When Memory Fades, Who Cares for the Caregivers? (Part 3)
By Adj A/Prof (Dr) Kenny Tan, Chief Executive Officer and Ms Ho Yin Yin, Senior Manager & Senior Chaplain, St Luke’s ElderCare
The church is called to actively support and uplift the often-overlooked caregivers of individuals with dementia by offering encouragement, practical assistance, and fostering a communal culture of shared care.
Behind every person living with dementia is often a quiet, unseen figure—a spouse, a child, a friend—taking on the demanding role of caregiver. While dementia slowly takes away memory and ability from one person, it places an immense burden on another. The emotional, spiritual, and physical toll of caregiving is real, and it often goes unnoticed.
Caregiving is not just a series of tasks; it is a long journey of love, grief, and sacrifice. Many caregivers experience a deep, ongoing sorrow as they witness their loved one gradually slip away. They face emotional exhaustion from constant vigilance, physical fatigue from daily responsibilities, and spiritual struggles with doubt, frustration, or guilt. Some caregivers feel isolated, wondering if anyone truly sees what they are carrying.
Many caregivers experience a deep, ongoing sorrow as they witness their loved one gradually slip away.
As the church, we are called to see them. We are called to care—not only for those with dementia, but for those who walk that hard road alongside them. Galatians 6:2 reminds us, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.” Dementia may be a family issue, but it is also a community issue—and caring must be communal, not individual.
So how can the church genuinely care for caregivers?
1. Affirm with Encouragement
Caregivers often carry hidden emotional wounds—guilt, frustration, and spiritual fatigue. Many wonder, “Am I doing enough? Why do I feel angry? Where is God in all of this?” In James 5:16, we are encouraged to “pray for each other so that you may be healed.” Caregivers need spiritual companions who will pray for them—privately, during services, and personally.
Beyond prayer, caregivers need gentle presence and understanding. Personal check-ins by pastors, elders, or friends can offer tremendous comfort. Sometimes, they do not need answers—they need someone to sit beside them, listen without judgment, and remind them that God sees their hidden work of love. Support groups or small circles of encouragement can provide safe spaces for honesty, prayer, and healing.
Personal check-ins by pastors, elders, or friends can offer tremendous comfort.
2. Assist and offer Practical Help
Daily caregiving is exhausting. Churches can step in with practical support: delivering meals, offering transport, or helping with errands. But perhaps the greatest gift is respite—giving caregivers time to breathe. Volunteers can be trained to sit with the person with dementia, freeing caregivers to rest, attend appointments, or simply enjoy an afternoon off.
Churches can also organize caregiver support groups where those carrying similar burdens can share stories and strengthen one another. These practical acts say clearly: You do not have to carry this alone.
When memory fades, caregivers may feel as though they are fading too. But through the church’s love, we proclaim: You are seen. You are not alone. We will walk with you.
3. Accompany and Cultivate a Culture of Shared Care
Above all, churches must develop a culture of shared caregiving. Too often, caregivers feel abandoned to carry the burden alone. But we are called to be the body of Christ, bearing each other’s burdens. Through practical support, faithful prayer, and compassionate presence, the church embodies Christ’s love to those who may feel forgotten.
When memory fades, caregivers may feel as though they are fading too. But through the church’s love, we proclaim: You are seen. You are not alone. We will walk with you.
