Helping Our Children Cope with Pressure
How could parents help our children manage the pressure around them? Ps Amadea Seow shares these handles.
Children are precious gifts from God but in this cruel world that we are living in, they too, like adults, are constantly battling all sorts of pressures. Although their struggles are different from ours, they too have sizeable amounts of stress, such as peer pressure, having to perform well in school and even the need to conform to society’s standards for a young person. As a parent, we would love to shield our children from experiencing the negative impact that stress brings but we also know that we cannot eliminate such pressures that come their way.
We have to recognize that stress is not a negative thing. It is a circumstantial event that challenges our children to make tough decisions in their lives. However, when unsupported, children will struggle to cope with the pressures they face and tend to fall into anxiety, depression and even may leave their faith. Hence, it is far more powerful to raise thriving children who can cope with pressures imposed on them. This will help them to bounce back from hardships and challenges by making the right choices.
When our children go through stressful times, there are two prongs in helping children cope with pressure. Firstly, it is being aware of your feelings before approaching your child. Secondly, it is to be present in helping our children cope with pressure.
We have to recognize that stress is not a negative thing.
Being Aware of Our Feelings
It is important for parents to be aware of our personal feelings before we help our children cope with their feelings because we would either become the safe haven for them to come and confide in us or we become an added ‘storm’ to their stress.
It is natural for parents to worry for their children and often jump into quick solutions so that our children do not have to go through stressful moments and us as parents to avoid uncomfortable feelings.
Unfortunately, offering children solutions may cause them additional stress because now they have to cope with the stress that we are projecting on them on top of the pressure that they are facing. Remember, your child is sensitive enough to observe our own stress and emulate how we cope with pressure. Here are some quick self-checks you can go through before guiding your child:
- Do a self-check
Ask yourself: How am I feeling now? Am I calm or anxious? If anxious, take some time to calm down or get your spouse to step in to help. - Take a deep breath
It helps to pause to rest your mind before you begin guiding your child. This will ensure that you are in a neutral state. - Pray for the Holy Spirit to guide you as you listen to your child.
Seek the Lord to guide you as you speak to your child
Confident children are often showered with encouragement.
Being Present
Once you are ready, use these steps to help your child cope with pressure.
- Empathize with your child
It is important to understand that the pressure they face is real. Hence the first step is to empathize with them. Empathizing with your child’s feelings shows that you are there for them emotionally. It also helps your child understand that it is okay to be weak because it is through recognizing our weaknesses that we are able to see God’s hand at work. You may start with the most obvious conversation starter, such as, “How are you feeling? I notice that you are upset with something. Do you want to share?”
As they share, avoid minimizing their worries by using words such as, “Don’t worry, everything will be fine,” or “Other people have had it worse.” Recognize the emotions that they are going through by using affirming words such as, “You felt that it was unfair,” or “That must be tough for you.” - Recognizing help
The second step is to help your child recognize help is everywhere. Ask your child if he or she needs any help. This question is important because some children know what they should be doing but need a listening ear to emote feelings that may be overwhelming them.
If they need help, support them with solutions that both you and your child can work on, encouraging them to ask the teacher for advice after school, talk to a friend who can help with homework or ask God for courage to present in class. Take time to process some of the problem-solving solutions that are workable for your child. This helps children to recognize that they do not have to struggle alone. That they can rely on God and the people He surrounds your child with.
- End with encouragement
Lastly, end with encouragement. Confident children are often showered with encouragement. It is a booster shot to fight stress. When your child’s anxiety is being lifted up, he or she will be more receptive toward the encouragement you give.
You can summarize your conversation and encourage your children with the promises of God. Let them know that if they need someone to talk to, they can come right to you and especially God. This will anchor your child’s faith that God is always there for them, that He will never abandon them nor leave them to struggle by themselves.
Most importantly, pray with them to draw help from God and pray for them to experience God’s power as they go through their struggles in life. It helps children to reframe stress which becomes an impetus to growing resilience.
Ps Amadea Seow is a NextGen pastor ministering at Maranatha Christian Assembly. She also serves
at the AGNGC and is a clinical counselor who works with children, adolescents and families.
