What do young adults (YAs) look for in a mentoring relationship as they mature in their faith? What are the qualities in mentors they look for? Ps Poh-Low Aye Lan checks in with her YAs and lists the qualities for us to take on.
If you are a mentor or discipler/disciple-maker of a young adult, you’d probably join me in unashamedly declaring “I have little clue of what I’m doing”. Whatever Generation they are known by, ‘Z’, Millenials, Zillenials – they will always take us to a fresh new terrain, a fresh new thing and a fresh spirit. The ‘new thing’ that the Holy Spirit is doing amongst young adults can appear to be frightening, and yet an adventure well worth pursuing and living out with them and with God in it!
The ‘new thing’ that the Holy Spirit is doing amongst young adults can appear to be frightening, and yet an adventure well worth pursuing and living out with them and with God in it!
I asked four young adults aged 21 to 28 (pseudonyms) what they look for in a mentoring relationship. Let’s hear the voice of their generation. Look past the language and take some precious but much needed moments to listen to the cries of their hearts:
Benjamin:
“I would say for someone to walk me through my thought processes. I believe that there are many ungodly beliefs/misconceptions towards how to live that plague us. Having someone to walk us through those thoughts and offer different perspectives on how to approach the different issues in life is crucial.
Within the church, I believe many of us read the Word but people my age don’t have a firm grasp on theology so having someone who can explain and share biblical perspectives is important.
I asked all the guys in my cell this question: ‘in your ideal world, how can I be a better friend and leader towards you?’. Their reply: ‘to be more present in my life. To meet me more, allow me to share my life with you a bit more’ and I would agree with this bit as well!! For our mentor/leader to be present and available for us.
I believe that the mentor needs to be able to know and capture our hearts. And we need to do the same the other way round. Because the way my generation thinks and feels is so different from my parents’ generation. In having that mutual understanding of each other, it’s more effective when it’s time to give honest and constructive feedback too!”
Joseph:
“My generation seeks comfort with as little effort as required. This results in individuals seeking activities that improve their mental health or working in jobs that provide healthy work-life balance. Most are not willing to work extra hard like their parents’ generation to achieve success. It seems that if they are able to get enough money to travel, eat, and relax, they are generally contented.
With this all said, I guess a mentor especially in church should be an individual who is able to assist young adults like me to navigate life biblically. For instance, how do we overcome mental health issues?
With this all said, I guess a mentor especially in church should be an individual who is able to assist young adults like me to navigate life biblically.
Also, with the rise of LGBTQ movements and abortion rights, it would be great if mentors are able to equip young adults with Biblical worldviews so they would not be led astray by the world as the world can be rather persuasive.
Overall, mentors can become “friends” rather than “fatherly/motherly” figures as this generation tends to open up more to a friend than a parent. In addition, mentors should be of an older age to teach and prepare the younger generation for what’s ahead in their lives – career, parenthood, taking care of an ageing parent, paying the bills, etc. This will allow us to be more aware of what is to come and how to overcome such challenges.”
Val:
“What I look for is someone who can check in, challenge my fleshly perspectives and most importantly, to keep me accountable for the goals i set for myself. “
Pam:
“Especially in church; what I look for in a mentor is 1) wisdom. This can be subjective but I would prefer someone who’s a lot older, who would be able to provide a different perspective towards similar issues or situations. 2) integrity. I would look for a mentor who lives life out the way I would aspire to because I feel then, their words would bear more weight. I wouldn’t’ want to be seeking advice from someone whose lifestyle isn’t something I want or am inspired to be.”
Their spiritual family can however be complete with mentors who are bold and courageous to rise up to fill the gaps and be their spiritual family – to love, nurture, shepherd, watch out for them.
The Qualities of Mentors
25 years have shown me who young adults need in their lives. Mentors who:
- Are authentic, God-fearing, wise, people-loving committed to being present, to love them and model the way.
- Who honor God, elders and people in their lives.
- Inspire with lives lived out passionately for God.
- Love the Word, know the Word, live the Word and can point them to Biblical worldviews.
The well-known adage “It takes a village to raise a child” applies equally to adolescents, and young adults. In their biological worlds, they may not have a complete family of parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Their spiritual family can however be complete with mentors who are bold and courageous to rise up to fill the gaps and be their spiritual family – to love, nurture, shepherd, watch out for them. To give them a safe space to explore, make mistakes and learn from them, be creative expressions of the image-bearers of God that they were created to be, and to love God wholeheartedly with their hearts, minds, and souls. Mentors who despite their own busy lives, are not afraid to speak into their lives, show them by example how godly lives are to be lived in every sphere of their lives – education, growing, life choices, dating, marriage, parenting. They may not openly nor immediately show it, appreciate it, nor realize it but in their growing up (adulting) journey, there will come a time when it will all make sense and it will loop into a cycle of their rising up to be mentors themselves.
It is an ‘impossible role’ made possible by a God who makes all things possible.
It may look like a tall order to step up to be a mentor of today’s young adults. It may seem that we must have our lives figured out first to lay our lives down to mentor them. It is an ‘impossible role’ made possible by a God who makes all things possible. Despite the hard work, and sometimes, pain of setbacks, it is a joy and privilege to be able to be part of the world of young adults, steadfastly doing life with them, planting seeds and nurturing them, knowing that our labor of love is never in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58).
Ps Poh-Low Aye Lan serves together with her husband and daughter at Emmanuel Assembly of God. She is now serving full-time on the pastoral team with Emmanuel and has been working with youths and young adults for the past 25 years.
