Theology of the Family

“The church must become more like a family and the family must become more like a church.” said Andy Crouch, ex-executive editor at Christianity Today in response to how to survive and even thrive in our information age.¹

This means that small groups and pastoral care need to be more intentional, and the church needs to feel more like a family.

How true, especially in this information age and post-COVID world! With the church struggling to gather on-site, congregants will naturally feel more isolated. This means that small groups and pastoral care need to be more intentional, and the church needs to feel more like a family. With children and youth finding it increasingly difficult to be discipled online by the church, family discipleship becomes more critical, and the home needs to be more like a church. I believe this is the challenge for many pastors,
including myself.

In this short article, I will explore these two interrelated and important concepts. We will look at the theological foundation of the family as church and the church as family to reclaim a biblical discipleship praxis.

The Family More as a Church
Let’s explore first why the family ought to function more as a church where discipleship takes place as a primary context. In modern Christianity, churches tend to become more program driven and ministries like children and youth have become more specialized for “effectiveness’ sake”. Thus, the mindset that discipleship of one’s children could be “outsourced” to “expert pastors” becomes more prevalent. These specialized ministries are important, but the primary means of discipleship is within the biological Christian family as this is where children spend most of their time. This truth becomes more pronounced when going to a physical church location is restricted due to the pandemic.

We read in the Bible that discipleship within the Israelite biological family is central to the vibrancy of Israel’s faith in Yahweh. In the Old Testament, we read that parents, or primary caretakers ought to take primary responsibility to model and teach the faith to the next generation as a lifestyle in the context of the home (Deuteronomy 6:4-9; Psalm 145:4; Psalm 78:1-8).² The prophetic vision of Malachi for Israel is strong marriages and parent-child relationships (Malachi 1:14-16; 4:6).

In the New Testament, spiritual leaders must first manage the biological home well before managing the church, the spiritual home (1 Timothy 3:12). The early church met in house churches with all generations present (Acts 2:42-47). Much of the church’s functions took place in homes like preaching the gospel (Acts 5:42; 20:20); administering baptism (Acts 16:15; 1 Corinthians 1:16); breaking bread, probably meaning the Lord’s Supper (Acts 2:46); and systematic teaching (Acts 20:20).³ The home as the place of Christian education for wives (1 Corinthians 14:35) and children (Ephesians 6:4). The epistles of Paul were assumed to be read to all members of the household gathered in the church as it addresses these relationships: husband and wife (Ephesians 5:22, 25), slave and master (Ephesians 6:5,9), children to parents (Colossians 3:20; Ephesians 6:1).⁴

Discipleship of our biological family is our first ministry that we need to spend the most time on, and spiritual formation cannot be “outsourced” to the children or youth ministry. They supplement the home ministry at best. Lifeway Research in 2017 shows that the top two predictors of spiritual health among young adults who grew up in church is whether they regularly read the Bible and spent time in prayer while growing up.⁵ The church therefore needs to channel more resources in supporting and equipping parents in conducting family devotions and living out family discipleship as a lifestyle.

The Church More as a Family
Next, we want to explore the theological imagery of the church as a family of God. In this pandemic where church services have largely gone online, pastoral care of members has become more challenging unless the church culture is relational and intergenerational like a family. What does it mean biblically for the church to be a family?

In the Old Testament, “Israel could be called the bêt-Yahweh, “house/family of Yahweh” (Numbers 12:7; Jeremiah 12:7; Hosea 8:1; and Micah 4:2), where the Temple probably stands for the whole land and people of God”.⁶ The Israelites gathered all generations (men, women, children and foreigners) at important events like the renewal of covenant by Moses (Deuteronomy 29:10-12; Deuteronomy 31:9-13) and reading of the law by Joshua (Joshua 8:34-35) so that everyone understood the law.⁷ There was an expectation that the older generation pass on their faith to the younger generations through sharing of the significance of rituals like Passover ceremonies and the various Israelite feasts (Exodus 12:26-27; Leviticus 23:33-43).⁸ The sacrificial rituals were witnessed by the entire worship community with its
sights, sounds and smell (Leviticus 16; Deuteronomy 15, 19).⁹ Judges 2:6-10 shows the potential apostasy of the entire next generation when the older generation (the elders who were with Joshua) fail to transmit their faith.

In the New Testament, Paul uses the imagery of the church as an oikos (household) of God (Ephesians 2:19; 1 Timothy 3:15; Galatians 6:10; Hebrews 3:2-6; 1 Peter 4:17; 1 Thessalonians 4:10; 1 Peter 2:17).¹⁰ This illustrates that we belong to a new spiritual family of brothers and sisters under God the Father. This also suggests the importance of intimate relationships among members and includes interactions across generations in the church.¹¹
The Church is a continuation of the intergenerational worship community of the nation of Israel (Exodus 19:3-6; 1 Peter 2:9-10).¹² Paul teaches four groups of people in the church namely “older men,” “older woman,” “young men” and “younger women” on their conduct and their role in mutual edification (1 Timothy 5:1-2; Titus 2:1-8).¹³ There are also New Testament examples of intergenerational mentorship like Paul and Timothy/Titus, Barnabas and Mark, Priscilla with Aquila and Apollos.

As spiritual leaders, we need to strategize how we can grow smaller (e.g., through relational small groups) as we grow larger through church growth.

Therefore, a church must be more than an organization that runs purely on good processes; it must be a spiritual organism that grows and a family that loves. The book Sticky Faith through research and statistics shows the importance of intergenerational relationships between adults and the next generation within the church as one of the critical keys in sustaining their faith as they grow up.¹⁴ Research points to at least five adult relationships to every child as optimum.¹⁵ As spiritual leaders, we need to strategize how we can grow smaller (e.g., through relational small groups) as we grow larger through church growth. We also need to create platforms for the children and youth ministry to partner with adults so that natural bonding and discipleship can take place within the church like having a large extended family.

Reclaim a Biblical Culture
What is your greatest challenge leading the church through this pandemic? Is it changing the culture of the family to be more like a church or the church to be more like a family? May we turn this challenge into an opportunity to reclaim a biblical culture of church as family and family as church as Jesus leads us.

¹ Hansen, Andy Crouch • Collin. “Andy Crouch on How to Become a Tech-Wise Family.” The Gospel Coalition. Accessed January 29, 2022. https://www.thegospelcoalition.
org/podcasts/tgc-podcast/how-to-become-a-tech-wise-family/.
² Holly Catterton Allen and Christine Lawton Ross, Intergenerational Christian Formation : Bringing the Whole Church Together in Ministry, Community and Worship
(Downers Grove, IL: IVP Academic, 2012), 81.
³ Wright, C. J. H. (1992). Family. In D. N. Freedman (Ed.), The Anchor Yale Bible Dictionary (Vol. 2, pp. 768–769). Doubleday.

⁴ Allen and Ross, Intergenerational Christian Formation : Bringing the Whole Church Together in Ministry, Community and Worship, 83.

⁵ Lifeway Research. “Young Bible Readers More Likely to Be Faithful Adults, Study Finds,” October 17, 2017. https://lifewayresearch.com/2017/10/17/young-biblereaders-more-likely-to-be-faithful-adults-study-finds/.
⁶ Wright, C. J. H. (1992). Family. In D. N. Freedman (Ed.), The Anchor Yale Bible Dictionary (Vol. 2, p. 769). Doubleday.

⁷ Allen and Ross, Intergenerational Christian Formation : Bringing the Whole Church Together in Ministry, Community and Worship, 77.

⁸ Ibid., 80.
⁹ Howard Vanderwell, The Church of All Ages : Generations Worshiping Together, The Vital Worship, Healthy Congregations Series (Herndon, Va.: Alban Institute, 2008), 71

¹⁰ Wright, C. J. H. (1992). Family. In D. N. Freedman (Ed.), The Anchor Yale Bible Dictionary (Vol. 2, p. 769). Doubleday.

¹¹ Allen and Ross, Intergenerational Christian Formation : Bringing the Whole Church Together in Ministry, Community and Worship, 114.

¹² Vanderwell, The Church of All Ages : Generations Worshiping Together, 72.

¹³ Vanderwell, The Church of All Ages : Generations Worshiping Together, 26.

¹⁴ Fuller Youth Institute. “What Makes Faith Stick During College?” Accessed February 3, 2022. https://fulleryouthinstitute.org/blog/what-makes-faith-stick-during-college.
¹⁵ The Christian Century. “Sticky Faith: What Keeps Kids Connected to Church?” Accessed February 3, 2022. https://www.christiancentury.org/article/2013-05/sticky-faith.